Love Is Pain

This statement doesn't stand for the cliche situation: relationships. I believe its true for any and everything. the most basic need of a human is to be loved. This can come in any way shape or form ( classmates, coworkers, family, etc)

I think something else falls in to this catagory also.... The things we love to do can be painful. Whether its loving to eat outgetting fat, getting your hair done= time waisted, having children=need I say more.

I think I found my painful love and don't know what to do with it.

Til pen and paper conversate,
I'm Ghost

Personality Disorder vs Alter Ego

I was chit chatting with the bestie quite sometime ago and told her I have an alter ego. Where sometimes I come off as super quiet, sometimes mean, sometimes like I have a chip on my shoulder ( because I don't walk around with a smile) and like I'm just a nervous wreck. But my alter ego is SUPER fun, outgoing, disruptive, and sometimes need to be censored because I blurt out random thoughts.

Now a coworker of mines once asked me if I'm having personality issues because it seems like when I come in with "new hair" I seem to be a new person to her. Better yet I think it was the idea that I kept going from totally different extremes with my hair. One day I'd be banged with long sleek straight hair, the next week I would be all curled out.

So whats the verdict

Til pen and paper conversate,

I'm Ghost

Yeah, Im talkin to you!!!!

This is just something I just gotta get off my chest. I've always told people " I can be one of the nicest people you ever meet, or I can be the biggest itch, you ever met." I say that intentionally, but its an empty threat unless you cross me. Recently I had the privilege of finding out some very important information in regards to some of my friendship. It seems that these same "friends" were the ones picking on me, and making fun of me when I was not around. Now I'm the type of person, If I love (as in cool with) you ( or maybe even just like you) I will give you the shirt off my back and the shoes off my feet just to guarantee your comfort over mines. Ive been through a tough childhood/adulthood and would shield anyone else from going through some of the things that I've been thru. But you wouldn't know that, would you? I don't hang a big banner over my head stating my series of unfortunate events because I don't feel that I need to. (Kinda like that Zoloft commercial with the sad dude with the cloud over his head.) So why in the world would you get some sick twisted joy over putting me down. I've been nothing but a friend to you. Inviting you to events that I was attending, calling just to check up on you to make sure that you was okay. Wasting 1 of 1000 text messages to find out how was your day, and what do I get in return....Crap. You are an adult... once again I ask, What joy do yo get out of it. In grade school it woulda flew because that what made some of the kids popular You'd get more friends, you get an reputation around campus so others wouldn't want to step to you. But guess what??? YOU ARE AN ADULT NOW. Theres no clicks, or in crowd in the corporate world. Its a dog eat dog world, and you can be replaced in a heart beat. Here you are making these "stories" up about so and so and so and so and trying to glam up the &h!t hole of a life you have now and you got the nerve to laugh at me???? Some one whose show diversity thru adversity and turned my life of rags to riches????That's a joke.. Better yet you are a JOKE. Some one with a Napoleon Complex who feels the need to be the life of the party.. how old are you again.. I though so.....

Something like Insomnia

I remember a time in life where I was able to sleep my cares away. I would be having an issue with someone and I would crawl into bed and rest, or if the issue resided in my house, I would drive my car to a secluded spot, cock my seat back, poetry book in my hand and lay. One time I fell asleep in my schools parking lot and didn't make it home until 12 am or so because I was so madd and didn't want to be found. Of course there was an APB out on me, but I was content. Lately, I haven't had the joy of implementing my once favorite pastime into my life. When I lay down and attempt to sleep, I toss, and turn. I started snapping at everyone around me because of my lack of a better pastime. The million dollar questions is: Why am I afraid to sleep??? I think the answer is: I don't control my dreams anymore and lately those dreams has been turning into nightmares. I don't want to close my eyes and face the reality called "My World." I rather stay awake and day dream and assume everything is in perfect order.

Til Pen and Paper Conversate,

I'm Ghost

WEARING fOREVER 21 LINEN WHITE VEST, RANDOM SPAGHETTI STRAP TANK TOP, AND DESTROYED JEANS FROM BODY SHOP.

MAKEUP: WHITE KOHL PENCIL, ISADORA DARK BLUE, HIP BLUE, AND oH BABY MAC LIPGLASS.

p.s. I met Chris Brown today!!!!!

Barbie looking for Ken!!!!

Good Morning peoples!!! Its been quite sometime since I posted ( prob about 2 days, and thats like forever in my world!!!) But today I don't have much of a discussion for you. I'm trying to figure out why Im so indecisve in certain areas but then Im so ready and know what I want in others....... For instance. Me and my Chickadees can go out and attempt to eat at either an authentic restaraunt or the usual hang out ( Cafe Tu Tu Tango, Rice and Beans, Five Guys etc.) I will spend over 10 minutes mulling over the menu as if Im going to try something new and end up getting the same ole, same ole. But he'res the kicker.....

when it comes to my so and so. I know what I want, who I want, and how I want it. You see it was one of those accidental love type stories, where we didn't know what we we were getting ourselves into, but when were were in it, WE LIKED IT. We have this love hate relationship. I've tried the whole: Hey lets go out and meet new people bit, and Im not gonna lie, I meet some pretty interesting people. Lets see.. there was the time I was dating the drug dealer and didn't even know it. I mean I thought his money was legit. He was a pizza boy and I thinking his customers must really like him.. Then months later ( of course after our 1 month course of "hey what your doing tonight." I was combing thru the find details of our "shindig" and my friend brought it to my attention. That was classic. Even if I was oblivious to the whole extra hustle on the side. But I know I want Ken. Whether its in his kiss, his touch or just how he makes me feel when I lay for countless hours and think about our LOVE/HATE, I blush!!!!!!

WEARING VINTAGE TUBE TOP DRESS THAT WAS THRIFTED. FUCSHIA LIPSTICK WITH MAC PINK POODLE ON TOP. LASHES, MILANI MAKE UP AND LITTLE BIT OF BLUSH

Respect, a four letter word

Now you might be wondering, how did I turn a 7 letter word and condense it down. Easy. LOVE. We respect others out of love. No necessarily that. Oh, I'm so passionate for you type of love. But that Christian love. I will respect my fellow neighbor because the type of love God placed in me to respect my "brother/sister?' Romans 13:7 "Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."

Dr. Wendy Presiding

So.. I recently noticed a trend in my incoming calls lately. On the other line I had a friend who was always divulging problems about Person XYZ, or Situation ABC. I could do nothing but oblige to listen attentively and give my 3.5 cents. Whether they decided to listen to me or not was a different matter. My patient left in confidence that new light was shed upon the once hard situation and was able to tackle the problem head on with the verbal courage dished out by yours truly. But, the question is: Who listens to me? Who's couch do I have the privilege to lay on when I feel like I need some verbal stamina? Who dissects my story and places it in perfect order so I may be able to conquer my fears. Last night I was asked what is my biggest fear. I chose not to answer the question because once your fear is spoken, it may be brought to life. REJECTION. I've turned My biggest fear into a list of fears. NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH. I've always tried to manage and build up coping mechanisms that would help me to provide tangible evidence that I am a strong woman. BEING BELITTLED. But the fact of the matter is: I AM NOT.

WEARING RANDOM FOREVER 21 TSHIRT.

Til pen and paper conversate,

I'm Ghost