Something like Insomnia

I remember a time in life where I was able to sleep my cares away. I would be having an issue with someone and I would crawl into bed and rest, or if the issue resided in my house, I would drive my car to a secluded spot, cock my seat back, poetry book in my hand and lay. One time I fell asleep in my schools parking lot and didn't make it home until 12 am or so because I was so madd and didn't want to be found. Of course there was an APB out on me, but I was content. Lately, I haven't had the joy of implementing my once favorite pastime into my life. When I lay down and attempt to sleep, I toss, and turn. I started snapping at everyone around me because of my lack of a better pastime. The million dollar questions is: Why am I afraid to sleep??? I think the answer is: I don't control my dreams anymore and lately those dreams has been turning into nightmares. I don't want to close my eyes and face the reality called "My World." I rather stay awake and day dream and assume everything is in perfect order.

Til Pen and Paper Conversate,

I'm Ghost

WEARING fOREVER 21 LINEN WHITE VEST, RANDOM SPAGHETTI STRAP TANK TOP, AND DESTROYED JEANS FROM BODY SHOP.

MAKEUP: WHITE KOHL PENCIL, ISADORA DARK BLUE, HIP BLUE, AND oH BABY MAC LIPGLASS.

p.s. I met Chris Brown today!!!!!

Barbie looking for Ken!!!!

Good Morning peoples!!! Its been quite sometime since I posted ( prob about 2 days, and thats like forever in my world!!!) But today I don't have much of a discussion for you. I'm trying to figure out why Im so indecisve in certain areas but then Im so ready and know what I want in others....... For instance. Me and my Chickadees can go out and attempt to eat at either an authentic restaraunt or the usual hang out ( Cafe Tu Tu Tango, Rice and Beans, Five Guys etc.) I will spend over 10 minutes mulling over the menu as if Im going to try something new and end up getting the same ole, same ole. But he'res the kicker.....

when it comes to my so and so. I know what I want, who I want, and how I want it. You see it was one of those accidental love type stories, where we didn't know what we we were getting ourselves into, but when were were in it, WE LIKED IT. We have this love hate relationship. I've tried the whole: Hey lets go out and meet new people bit, and Im not gonna lie, I meet some pretty interesting people. Lets see.. there was the time I was dating the drug dealer and didn't even know it. I mean I thought his money was legit. He was a pizza boy and I thinking his customers must really like him.. Then months later ( of course after our 1 month course of "hey what your doing tonight." I was combing thru the find details of our "shindig" and my friend brought it to my attention. That was classic. Even if I was oblivious to the whole extra hustle on the side. But I know I want Ken. Whether its in his kiss, his touch or just how he makes me feel when I lay for countless hours and think about our LOVE/HATE, I blush!!!!!!

WEARING VINTAGE TUBE TOP DRESS THAT WAS THRIFTED. FUCSHIA LIPSTICK WITH MAC PINK POODLE ON TOP. LASHES, MILANI MAKE UP AND LITTLE BIT OF BLUSH

Respect, a four letter word

Now you might be wondering, how did I turn a 7 letter word and condense it down. Easy. LOVE. We respect others out of love. No necessarily that. Oh, I'm so passionate for you type of love. But that Christian love. I will respect my fellow neighbor because the type of love God placed in me to respect my "brother/sister?' Romans 13:7 "Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."

Dr. Wendy Presiding

So.. I recently noticed a trend in my incoming calls lately. On the other line I had a friend who was always divulging problems about Person XYZ, or Situation ABC. I could do nothing but oblige to listen attentively and give my 3.5 cents. Whether they decided to listen to me or not was a different matter. My patient left in confidence that new light was shed upon the once hard situation and was able to tackle the problem head on with the verbal courage dished out by yours truly. But, the question is: Who listens to me? Who's couch do I have the privilege to lay on when I feel like I need some verbal stamina? Who dissects my story and places it in perfect order so I may be able to conquer my fears. Last night I was asked what is my biggest fear. I chose not to answer the question because once your fear is spoken, it may be brought to life. REJECTION. I've turned My biggest fear into a list of fears. NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH. I've always tried to manage and build up coping mechanisms that would help me to provide tangible evidence that I am a strong woman. BEING BELITTLED. But the fact of the matter is: I AM NOT.

WEARING RANDOM FOREVER 21 TSHIRT.

Til pen and paper conversate,

I'm Ghost

Neglectin' to Respect

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Days before I decided to cut my hair, I decided to do a mess side sweep.

So then there was the time where I though growing up respect meant something. Now, it seems like just a word that ppl use just to "make you feel good."

I have always tried to be a good example to my siblings growing up. I fought tooth and nail to find the last one to my missing puzzle only to realize that, she didn't feel the same.

So then theres the other siblings I grew up around. The younger ones were always close to me. I was known as "the cool big sister." Now things have changed. Puberty kicked in, breast rose, hair grew where there was none before and I am left forgotten..... now Im know as the "the stanger." Interesting how the tables have turned.

13-5=8. Its all good, I have eight more I can worry about!!!!!!

Til pen and paper conversate,

I'm Ghost

wearing: forever 21 silk blazer. plain wife beater, AIDS awareness pin, and forver 21 pleated wrap skirt.

Birds of a Feather????

I can count my friends on one hand.........

So why the grief? I'd like to think of myself as someone who is considerate of others feelings. Meaning if you don't look right or I don't agree with what you are saying or doing, or if you DISRESPECT me, I'm not gonna call you out in front of every Tom, Dick or Harry to embarrass you. I'd rather wait until we are behind closed doors to let you know that's not cool....... SO I ask again..... WHY THE GRIEF?

WHISPERING: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING????


WEARING: THIRTED TURLENECK.

Solitude Confines Me

So Im minding my business at work today, doing my same ole, same ole. AND IT HITS ME....
i MIGHT die an old lonely woman. The thought kind of disturbed me because here I am with friends who have the wonderful blissful interactions, and where am I at: NOTHING. I feel like im the constant link when it comes to conflict. Why is that. Its not like Im the "all in your face type of girl." Im usually chillin in the background when things go down. Then theres the perception thing....................... Why I gotta come off as a BITCH just cuz I don't smile. I DON'T OWE THAT TO NO ONE BUT MYSELF..... dang.. Its hard being black at a time like this.....

So its going on 1 month 1/2 of no hair...... At times I feel like my feminity is gone.....Going out with the homies I gotta work extra hard to play my part because I can't do the whole jean and t shirt bit... I gotta go all out....


day one march 2, 2009



april 17,2009

So excited. I bought a new shirt at Goodwill for 1.84, and that was half price... ( Go me, go me {silently doing the cabbage patch})

Til pen and paper conversate, I'm Ghost..........................................